“I’m a man. Respect me.” That seems to be a man's sigh, cry or shout.
There are few exceptions to the rule: A man is made for respect (as a woman is built for affection). Nothing offends and insults the average man like disrespect from a youth, from a woman or from another man. Every man wants respect.
A guy wants respects from peers, observers and total strangers, whether that man is at home, at school, on the battlefield, in a prison cell, in a group, in a gang, or in the workplace.
Often men will do anything to impose their authority to get the respect they think they must get at all costs. Is it any wonder that it was the male who discovered or invented the art of war? What is warfare but man’s attempt and effort to control his fellow man and thereby parade his power and prowess in order to win? During the era of empires and kingdoms, men climbed mountains, braved valleys, endured deserts and set sail across seas and oceans to attack and conquer foreign lands. Those war campaigns might have happened in the name of needed resources, slaves or resources, but to the male warriors the grand plunder of war was the grand prize of respect from the conquered.
On a much smaller scale, two boys fist fight to win respect from each other, as well as from other boys and girls who watch the fight or hear of its outcome. Respect is why boys bully, join gangs, wield guns, engage in certain risky behavior or even play sports.
Since we men need and crave respect to count our lives meaningful and worthwhile, one may think guys would be experts at knowing exactly how to get respect without issuing threats, blowing air, or inflicting harm. But the truth is few men have the foggiest idea about how to gain respect without anger, threat or force. A man may pursue respect by way of position, title, appearance (looks), or performance. Usually, that’s an empty chase.
For much of my adult life, I wanted to find the secret to attracting respect from others without much sweat, without directly asking for their respect. I realized that without respect, hardly anyone would take the time to listen to what I have to, or take me seriously enough to follow my advice, coaching, teaching or lead. After several years of coming up empty, I think I have stumbled upon the golden key that opens the mansion of respect. Here it is: authority. Specifically, a show of authority. Only authority figures get respect.
Underneath every man’s desire or demand for respect is the issue of authority. No man is respected until he is first regarded as an authority figure. Respect then is a fruit of authority, and authority is the root of respect.
The question for every respect-hungry man should be: How do I become an authority figure? The answer is: find your identity. Once you discover who you are, and you function as the person you are, you will “grow” authority and thereby gain respect.
“Who am I?” That’s the sixty-four million dollar question that each and every man needs to answer. The obvious answer is, “I’m a man.” But that’s obviously not enough. The generic answer is, “I am a leader.” But that’s only the beginning. Leader of what? Leader in what? What kind of leader. A man must find at least one leadership role. When others see you as a leader, they will begin to treat you as an authority figure. When that happens, you won’t need to starve or beg for respect anymore. Respect will hunt you down and overtake you.
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